There’s a Reason Why People Will Tell You They Became Better People

grief life lessons mindfulness personal development trauma Dec 08, 2021
There’s a Reason Why People Will Tell You They Became Better People

Many people struggle with past trauma, but why do some say it changed the course of their life?

There’s a reason why some people will tell you they became better people after something terrible happens.

Sometimes people dwell too long on “when bad things to good people.” They don’t know there’s a mysterious transformation that happens simply because the human is designed to survive.

There were chapters of my life I’d decided to view one way, and those beliefs rumbled around for years, stealing my joy. I was stuck in believing I’d been shortchanged from the miraculous life I thought everyone else had.

Until I challenged it.

This quote buried on page 41 of Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth changed my life and all that has followed since:

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”

It was finally time to create new experiences.

What happens and the meaning we give it are two different experiences

Like many people, I’ve had more than my share of trauma. With numbing pain, I had unknowingly chosen to hold onto those events, especially the story of losing my son and, subsequently, my divorce.

Right now, I’m sure your mind goes to one of those dramatic life incidents from your own life. In the quest to regain a sense of stability and peace, you were challenged and searched for a way to go on. It wasn’t easy, and you found it difficult to even take the next step.

I can relate. In my search to regain a quality of life after my son suddenly died at just 16 years old. I studied everything I could to find wholeness again. I read other people’s stories, attended group meetings, had ongoing therapy, but by far the most valuable thing for me was journaling.

It was my safe haven for all I was feeling. As the pages grew in numbers, I could see something remarkable… healing.

You can’t appreciate where you are without looking back to see where you’ve been

In my search for healing, I learned a strategy from William Bridges, author of The Way of Transition. He said,

“You simply cannot imagine a new chapter, but the fact is, that letting go of one chapter in your life initiates the transition that concludes by beginning a new chapter.”
And that’s where we get stuck. We can’t imagine our new life, because the old one is still raw. It’s often too much to imagine a whole new life, so start by imagining the next chapter without the pain of the past.
Hang in there… it’s going to take a bit of reflection first
Write down the thing that is holding you in a state of feeling stuck, unhappy, and incapable of moving forward. One of the reasons you may be stuck is because you haven’t felt complete with it.

Endings can come in the form of:

But we are resistant

“Expand your belief system rather than change it.”- Dave Roberts, author When the Psychology Professor Met the Minister

Now, let’s head back to the inciting incident…

I learned the facts

Are you on the threshold of your next chapter?

Your turn

So why do people say they became better people after something tragic happened?